Oh, by the way…

The queen says “Merry Chirstmas“

The Day After…

The day after Christmas, the gifts are shoved in the back of the closet and the deals are to be had.  The stores cut prices to get rid of the shit that no one bought when it was on sale to began with and the returns and exchange counter is piled high and the return lines stretch out the door.

I went to two places this morning. The first was Target and when we walk inside there isn’t a single cart to be seen by the front door, crazy. The funniest thing was everyone was packed in an “L” shaped area of the store that consisted of the grocery, electronics, toys, and Christmas decor. Every where else in the store was a ghost town. I walked to the men’s clothing to grab some socks, you can never have too many socks, and there wasn’t a single other soul in the department.

The second place was Wal-Mart. Normally I hate shopping there and this morning just reinforced that. But it was the place with the cheapest Upcoverting DVD players by at least $20 so I bit the bullet and headed inside. Entire shelves were stripped clean. In the electronics department I find the DVD Players but the only one of the model I want is an open box. And the worker I asked if they had any more in the back was a total dick. Never again Wal-Mart.

I guess no one reads blogs on Christmas…

Well I figured my traffic would drop on Christmas, but not as much as it did. My traffic dropped 900% from the 24th to the 25th.

Merry Christmas!

T-Minus 11 hours and counting…

I just realized that Christmas is a mere 11 hours away and I still have yet to wrap a single gift. And I suck at wrapping gifts. I should probably start wrapping…

I fell for It

Remember how Circuit City had DVD-Rs on sale? Well I went and got some, but that’s not all I got. I fell for the oldest trick in  the retailing book: Bring them in with the cheap stuff and they’re bound to buy something esle. Because who wants to go to Circuit City and just buy 50 DVD-Rs for 6 bucks, especially when you have fresh Christmas cash in your pocket and it took you a good 15 minutes or so to get to the store? Not me. Of course I’m the same idiot that stood in line at 6 am on Black Friday last year at Best Buy to get a 100-pack of DVD-Rs for $8 and when they didn’t have any more of those left grabbed a 25-pack of LightScribe DVD-Rs solely because they would be nice to have for when I purchase a LightScribe DVD Burner in the future and then after standing in the checkout line for a good 20 minutes decided that I really didn’t need them. Looking back, I probably should have bought those LightScribe DVDs because last night I almost purchased a LightScribe Burner but didn’t because they were out of LightScribe DVD-Rs. So I bought a new audio-system for my computer instead.

Where the Hell did this come from…

Yesterday I was looking at my Blog Stats (I’m already addicted) and I notice that after only one full day of blogging I already have an incoming link. Sweet, I say. Everybody loves the incoming links, but I have no idea where the hell this one come from.

Out of pure curiously, I click on it and discover, well maybe you should look for yourself:

The Christmas Party! « Lafawndah55’s Weblog

If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, below lines and lines of Grand Canyon University, cheap webhosting, and cheap MBA programs you will find the first paragraph of my post on the Clapper. There lies more of my confusion. What the hell does the Clapper have to do with MBA programs and why the hell is Lafawnah55’s Weblog appear to be nothing more than a single post in another blog?!

This shit is driving me crazy…

Christmas is coming…

Christmas is in two days and for the first time in years I’m not out running around like a headless chicken looking for gifts for people that I’ve only talked twice in the past year. The secret to my success? Barnes & Noble, baby!

But despite the fact I don’t need to go out in the madness and the road rage, part of me wants for old times sake good out there and purchase something for myself. Circuit City had a 50-pack of DVD-Rs on sale.

Now that I’m looking back at this post, maybe I should see how many retailers I can drop in here, maybe they’ll give me some kick backs.

Let’s see, I could go to Sears for some new Craftsman tools, Kohl’s for shoes, PetSmart for dog food, Tractor Supply Co. for new fencing material, Lowe’s for a snowblower, and finish off the day with a bigass Whopper at Burger King.

I expect my check in the mail.

Clap On, Clap Off

Since the Chia Pet has been covered, I might as well discuss the other pop culture idol given to us by the good folks at Joseph Enterprises, the Clapper! Yes, the Clapper, helping your grandma turn off her TV without getting out of bed since the mid-80s.

What can be said about the Clapper that already hasn’t been said? No, really what can you say? Who cares, it’s a blog!

I’ve often wondered what would happen if you had your TV hooked up to the Clapper and when you had the volume up really loud and the Clapper ad came on? Would it turn your TV off? Is the Clapper designed to ignore its own ad? Will the world just explode from the pure paradox of it all?!

Wow, I have WAY too much time on my hands, and let’s be honest, you have too because you’re reading this damn thing. I know, you’re not suppose to piss off your audience, but hey if it works for Borat (R.I.P., actually I don’t really care, I didn’t find his movie that funny) why can’t it work for me?

With those thoughts I leave you with the world famous “The Clapper” commercial:

Ch-ch-ch-Chia!

As Christmas, yes I said it, draws near, the Chia Pet ads are back in full force. As I sit there watching these ads, I wonder who in their right mind would give a Chia Pet as a gift? A gag gift maybe, in fact I hope that’s all they’re given as. Would anybody ever be thrilled if they get up on Christmas morning and unwrap a Chia Pet?

“Wow, thanks, I guess…”

Yes, you now have the delight of placing little seeds on the back of lamb and watch as they slowly grow over the next 3 to 5 days! After that, well at least it will look nice sitting on your window sill for the next couple months until all the plants die because you forgot to water it like that little herb garden that you were so proud of because it was going to save you untold amounts of money since you no longer had to buy herbs from the store. That turned out great, didn’t it? 

You might say I’m a little jealous that I didn’t come up with it first because the guy who did is a rich bitch. But that would be kind of hard since they came out before my birth. But still, the profit margins on those things must be killer. I don’t even want to do the math, it would make me sick.

Note to self: Create the next Chia Pet…