It’s Been a Long Weekend

The Jackass has had a pretty busy weekend; so busy that I didn’t even touch a computer all weekend. It was actually quite refreshing not being dependent on technology to have a good time. But now it’s the recovery day and we’re all sitting around like a bunch of cult members that just drank special Kool-Aid.

On a side tangent, I wonder how the good people at Kool-Aid feel whenever another cult decides to use “Kool-Aid” as their preferred method of meeting the maker? I mean why is it always Kool-Aid? Kool-Aid isn’t the only powdered drink out there. It could it Gatorade, lemonade, some off-brand if the cult was a bunch of cheap-asses. No the media just calls it “Kool-Aid.”

Just Because I’m a Jackass…

…Doesn’t mean that I think it’s ok to be jackass to people in public. Yes, I’m a jackass within the boundaries of this blog not to people I met in everyday life without a reason. Today I was grabbing lunch at a fast food establishment will be known that it only by that it rhymes with “Murger Bing” eating a “Chopper” and this fat ass dude, and I really mean “fat ass” the guy had to be 300+ pounds, came in demanding to know if they had chilli, which the lady working the counter said they did. The man then demanded to know the price and then ordered a 5-piece chicken tender.

“We don’t have a 5-piece sir, would you like a 4-piece?” they lady asked politely.

“No a 5-piece – wait don’t you have something for a dollar?” the fat ass said angrily.

“Yes sir, the 4-piece.”

“Fine I’ll have that then,” said the fat ass like the lady working the counter was a totally dumbass that didn’t know English, “I need something to drink.”

“We have Coke products, sir.”

“No, no Coke products, I CAN’T have Coke products.”

“Well sir, if you want a soft drink that is what we have, sir.”

“No, no Coke products.”

“Would you like a milk shake, sir?”

“Fine! I’ll have a medium chocolate,” the fat ass replied like he was a level above on the food pyramid.

This whole time I’m staring at the fat ass tempted to say something but I decided not to make a scene because the fat ass may try to sit on me and crush me. As I’m walking out to my car the fat ass follows shortly behind walking out to a car that just pulled up to pick him up. The name of company on the side of the car: “Visiting Physicians.” I hope the fat ass’s bedside manner is better than his treatment of random people.

Hangin’ in the ‘Burbs

This weekend I went and visited friends in the suburbs of Detroit and let me tell you, not for me. Why the hell would I want to live in a subdivision full of McMansions crammed on lots almost exactly the same size as the house with NO front or back yard to speak of? Add to it little bitch soccer moms on the Homeowners Association that drive around in their minivans and bitch if you park your car the wrong way in YOUR driveway. No thank you.

I would rather live in the city were I might actually get a yard to speak of and be able to walk to places without feeling like Frogger trying to cross 10 lanes of traffic.

And what the hell is with the names of subdivisions? There was one named “The Preserve,” which my friend pointed out that they leveled about 60 acres of woods to build. WTF?! Then there was the one my friend lives in, “The Vineyards.” I didn’t see one damn grapevine in the whole damn place. I bet the HOA bans them.

On Vacation…

The Jackass is taking a weekend off. So don’t expect any new posts this weekend unless there is  something that really gets my goat. Where the hell did that phrase come from anyway?

Happy New Year

Now leave me alone, I have to work in the morning. We all can’t be slackers.

BTW, is Dick Clark ever going to die?!

Are Some Teams Destined to Suck?

I’m watching the Lions vs. Packers right now and have concluded that the Lions will never win a Super Bowl. Why? Because they are destined to suck, much like the Cardinals. In fact, the Lions and Cardinals are the only teams to have been in existence since the start of the Super Bowl to never to make it to one. Technically, Cleveland hasn’t been to one either, but they don’t count because the team that was the original Browns (Ravens) did go to a Super Bowl and that they didn’t exist during the late-90s.

Every sport has them, the teams that always suck. Baseball has the Rays, Royals, pretty much the entire National League… Basketball has the Clippers, Warriors, Bobcats, and Bucks. Hockey has, well hockey has been pretty good about every team having a good season every once in a while.

For a lot of the teams mentioned it’s the ownership to blame. Others seemed to be just destined to suck. No matter who’s the coach, the players, they still some how manage to be bad and always find new ways to be bad.

A Week Later…

I’ve been blogging now for a week and what a week it was. The real John Chow actually visited my humble little site and commented one of my posts. Not John Chow was kind enough to visit and comment as well. The Hulu.com support team also stopped by and replied to my complaint about not being able to embed a video. And some of my posts ended on some of the weirdest websites. Oh, and some guy calling himself a Jedi tried to post a comment about how people can now live forever.

This is fun.

It is finished

Took my useless DVD player back to Wal-Mart this morning at 8:30. I got up to Customer Service and explain my frustration about being sold a DVD player that was clearly returned once before and how it was just taped back up and thrown back on the shelf with no regard with if it actually worked. Without even looking at me, she says, “OK,” basically telling me that she didn’t give a shit. I go back to the electronics sections and I notice that the original DVD player I returned was taped back up and sitting on the top of the stack. I know it was mine because it was missing the top layer of cardboard in one corner. Unbelievable.

And this morning I hear on the radio the story of a guy buying a MP3 player for his daughter and when she turned it on, she discovered videos of the adult variety. So it would appear that this “Who gives a shit why they returned it, just tape it up and throw it back on the shelf” mentality runs through the whole company.

From this ordeal I was learned that sometimes it worth paying a little more just not to deal with some people, no matter what the item is.

This is a rant blog, not a tea party!

Granted I’ve only been doing this for a week now, but I already realized that I lost focus. This is supposed to be a rant blog, I place for a Jackass to get on a soap box. But I got caught up in the need to post all the time. I put a link to Queen Elizabeth’s Christmas message for crying out loud! What the hell was I thinking?!

I know what I was thinking, I focused too much on the number of visits, it became my crack. Traffic is down I must post again! It’s been one week and I already became just another blog about some boring dude talking about going to Target. No more!

Thank you Wal-Mart…

…For never ceasing to amaze me how much you suck. Today I returned the DVD player I bought yesterday because the thing was seriously the flimsiest piece of technology I have ever encountered. You breathe on the thing and it almost breaks. Lucky, they had the model that I originally wanted back in stock and it was $25 cheaper and had more feature. Cool, I thought.

As soon as I opened the box I knew something wasn’t right. There was not a piece of packing foam to be found in the box, just the dvd player sitting there; all the bags appeared to have been opened; the batteries were already in the remote. I look closer at the box and realized there was TWO layers of packing tape on it. Those bastards sold me an open box item and tried to pass it off as a new item! Not only that, the damn video jack didn’t work!

Pissed off and with a slight cold I drive back to Wal-Mart, I enter the door and one of those annoying greeters stops me and says, “We don’t take returns or exchanges after 10.” I check my cell for the time: 10:02.

I hate you Wal-Mart.