Oh, by the way…

The queen says “Merry Chirstmas“

The Day After…

The day after Christmas, the gifts are shoved in the back of the closet and the deals are to be had.  The stores cut prices to get rid of the shit that no one bought when it was on sale to began with and the returns and exchange counter is piled high and the return lines stretch out the door.

I went to two places this morning. The first was Target and when we walk inside there isn’t a single cart to be seen by the front door, crazy. The funniest thing was everyone was packed in an “L” shaped area of the store that consisted of the grocery, electronics, toys, and Christmas decor. Every where else in the store was a ghost town. I walked to the men’s clothing to grab some socks, you can never have too many socks, and there wasn’t a single other soul in the department.

The second place was Wal-Mart. Normally I hate shopping there and this morning just reinforced that. But it was the place with the cheapest Upcoverting DVD players by at least $20 so I bit the bullet and headed inside. Entire shelves were stripped clean. In the electronics department I find the DVD Players but the only one of the model I want is an open box. And the worker I asked if they had any more in the back was a total dick. Never again Wal-Mart.

Merry Christmas!

Clap On, Clap Off

Since the Chia Pet has been covered, I might as well discuss the other pop culture idol given to us by the good folks at Joseph Enterprises, the Clapper! Yes, the Clapper, helping your grandma turn off her TV without getting out of bed since the mid-80s.

What can be said about the Clapper that already hasn’t been said? No, really what can you say? Who cares, it’s a blog!

I’ve often wondered what would happen if you had your TV hooked up to the Clapper and when you had the volume up really loud and the Clapper ad came on? Would it turn your TV off? Is the Clapper designed to ignore its own ad? Will the world just explode from the pure paradox of it all?!

Wow, I have WAY too much time on my hands, and let’s be honest, you have too because you’re reading this damn thing. I know, you’re not suppose to piss off your audience, but hey if it works for Borat (R.I.P., actually I don’t really care, I didn’t find his movie that funny) why can’t it work for me?

With those thoughts I leave you with the world famous “The Clapper” commercial:

Ch-ch-ch-Chia!

As Christmas, yes I said it, draws near, the Chia Pet ads are back in full force. As I sit there watching these ads, I wonder who in their right mind would give a Chia Pet as a gift? A gag gift maybe, in fact I hope that’s all they’re given as. Would anybody ever be thrilled if they get up on Christmas morning and unwrap a Chia Pet?

“Wow, thanks, I guess…”

Yes, you now have the delight of placing little seeds on the back of lamb and watch as they slowly grow over the next 3 to 5 days! After that, well at least it will look nice sitting on your window sill for the next couple months until all the plants die because you forgot to water it like that little herb garden that you were so proud of because it was going to save you untold amounts of money since you no longer had to buy herbs from the store. That turned out great, didn’t it? 

You might say I’m a little jealous that I didn’t come up with it first because the guy who did is a rich bitch. But that would be kind of hard since they came out before my birth. But still, the profit margins on those things must be killer. I don’t even want to do the math, it would make me sick.

Note to self: Create the next Chia Pet…